How we communicate is one of the most obvious manifestations of the generational divide. Email is now the Internet’s equivalent of training wheels, while texting is the communications mode of choice for the digitally dextrous.

But the differences go beyond just the mode of communications. Different generations also have different ideas  of what is polite e-behavior.

Act Your Age

Comscore data shows a dramatic one year drop in time spent using email among 13-17 year olds (-48%). At the same time, there was a modest increase in email use among those 54 and over. Comscore says this is because some of those 55+  are online newbies for whom e-mail is often a starting point. This makes email the Internet equivalent of training wheels. For young adults, email is associated with formal communications, such as disputing a bank error or asking your parents for money. It carries little sense of urgency.

Texting shows a similar pattern in reverse. According to Nielsen, the average teenager now sends 3,339 texts per month, up 8% in 2Q 2010 vs. 2Q 2009. Although text use in other age groups is also up, Other age groups don’t even come close; the average 18- to 24-year-old sends “only” 1,630 texts per month. My 17-year old son informs me that texts are great for when you don’t want to actually talk to someone, which is most of the time. Given the brevity of most of his texts (“K”, “Ya”, “IDK” and “?”), I am not sure we can really consider texts a replacement for talking, either. I have been told that if you see a comma in a text, you can be sure it was penned (tapped?) by someone over 30.

The communications habits of young adults can seem rude to those of us accustomed to greetings, punctuation, and multi-syllabic words. But the process works the other way as well. Young adults are sometimes offended by older adults’ indifference to their preferences and codes of etiquette. A president of a digital ad agency I met recently, says she has come to appreciate the nuances of Millennial communications, particularly the importance of speedy replies and letting go of paper-back up documentation. “Their ways really are better sometimes”.

When You Absolutely, Positively Have to, Talk

When is the last time you just picked up the phone and called anyone other than a close friend? I thought so. Phone calls now have the gravitas that used to be reserved for face-to-face meetings. My phone rarely rings unexpectedly these days. Texts and emails asking, “When can you talk?”generally precede phone calls.

According to a study by Forrester for Citrix Online, 90% of Americans meet in person to communicate and build relationships, which is higher than any other nationality. 75% of American believe it’s very important to pay attention in meetings. However, the younger you are, the less you value meetings, and the less you pay attention. “Only 29% of Gen Y workers think meetings that are to decide on a course of action are very efficient, compared to 45% of Older Boomers. Gen Y is least likely to pay attention in meetings and only 51% believe it’s very important to do so in meetings to decide a course of action.”

How Casual is Too Casual?

Millennials and older generations both struggle with what is the right tone or level of informality. Millennial, Anne Mahoney, posted a question in our Gen Y community recently: “In a grad school class, we are doing a “millennial mentoring” project where we are paired up with an undergrad. My partner will respond to emails with no greeting, no capitals, no punctuation…nothing. I also had a PR intern who called me “dude” the first week he was hired. This seems to be a trend, and an off-putting one at that. Anyone else seeing this?”

Communicating Politely with a Ten Foot Pole?

We seem to be in a period of transition where one person’s idea of efficiency is another’s idea of a brush off – or worse. Over time, I believe a clearer set of standards will emerge, but in the absence of an E-mily Post to tell us what is rude and what is acceptable, here are my personal rules of thumb:

• Text message: For arranging schedules and asking factual questions requiring short bursty answers, not conversations. Answer immediately.
• Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter message: Use sparingly, a way to say you care. Answer within an hour.
• Voice mail: Use sparingly, no one wants to listen to much less respond to a lengthy voice message. If the voice mail is just to say ‘call me’, don’t leave any message at all.
• IM/Skype/GoogleTalk: Great for conversations when multi-tasking.
• Email: Reserve for when conversations need to be documented – it’s a ‘paper trail’. Answer within a day.
• Phone Call/Skype Call: Use sparingly. No one likes to be interrupted.
• Web Conference: use for sharing information. Most presentations and reports don’t require meeting in person.
• Face to Face Meeting: Use for relationship building, ideating and getting different points of view.

What are your rules of etiquette?