Amy, young mother on ‘Secret Life of the American Teenager’
I was informed this week by Examiner.com entertainment blogger, Jennifer Wagner, that simply mentioning the name of the ABC Family hit, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” in a blog is a sure way to drive traffic. SLAT fans are that passionate about the show.
I’ve spent the last few weeks watching “Secret Life” and other teen dramas like “Greek”, “Glee” and “10 Things I Hate About You” in order to decide how realistically they portray teen lives. Do they really reflect what it is like to be a high school or college student? Or do they bear as much resemblance to ‘real life’ as Green Acres did to farm life back in my days of teenage TV viewing?
I’ve written before of the ‘vulgarity gap’ between generations. Similarly, as a Boomer parent, I cringe at the matter-of-fact way teens discuss sex with their friends and parents on these shows. There is a lot of frank sex talk, although relatively little sex. The plots emphasize romantic relationships, friendships, parties, relationships with parents and social status. The teachers and professors, to the extent they appear at all, tend to be either sincere Mr. Chips types (Will Schuster on Glee) or ridiculous stereotypes. Only nerds study or worry about grades. Few have jobs, although many seem to have cars.
Is this really how it is?
It’s not an easy question to answer. First, teens are diverse — no two schools in the same city are alike, much less Ohio (the setting for Glee) vs. LA (the apparent setting for most of the others), not to mention differences in socio-economic status and age. There’s a big difference between a 14 year old and a 19 year old. Second, it’s hard to get teens to tell you (hence ‘SecretLife’!). My fifteen year old son and his friends are reticent to talk about the pressures of being in a big city Chicago high school. The experiences of my daughter and students at Notre Dame is likely atypical — there are no fraternities or sororities, all dorms are single-sex, and a there is a heavy skew toward Midwest students who like football.
With personal experience providing little to go on, I looked elsewhere for evidence. Two recent profiles, one by Chicago Magazine (“The Secret Life of Teens: A Special Report”) and another by New York Magazine (“Class of ’09”) provide some good insights. Both articles are based on surveys and interviews of hundreds of young people in dozens of schools. The picture they paint suggests that the TV shows may have it more right than wrong. They suggest teens face enormous “adult-like” pressures and worries, especially about the decision to try drugs/alcohol, have sex, bullying and harassment and violence/safety.
TV shows especially seem to get it right on sex. According to Chicago magazine’s research, 51% have been in a serious relationship and 16% have had sex in the past 30 days ( although only 3% of parents think so). Sex talk seems to be as prevalent in real life as it is on TV.
Pressure to talk about sex — and know what you’re talking about — starts young, teens say, mainly with jokes and innuendo. “[Sex] is the undertone of every conversation,” said one Whitney Young High School girl, 16. And it progresses. “You need to get laid. ” That’s what the friend of one 18-year-old Roosevelt High school senior told her, as if it were a badge that she needed to wear. The casual nature of it all baffled her. “[They] claim to be my best friends,” she said. “They say it’s been six months for them, or three months [since they had sex], and they make it seem like that’s weird.” One 15-year old Whiteney Young student, who plans to wait until she’s older to have sex, said this: “Love is a word that I feel like, with teens, in relationships, has lost its value.”
Another area where teen shows seem to get it right is relationships with parents.Millennials are famous for being the first generation to not actively rebel against their parents (with that much freedom, perhaps they don’t need to?). They actually like and admire their parents. As one teen is quoted in the New York article, “My mom is one of my best friends and knows everything about me and my life”. The New York magazine article provides clues as to just how much conversation is actually going on; about half discuss politics and ‘money’ with their parents ‘often’ and 86% say they share their parents’ political views.
Conversation aside most teens still don’t want their parents on their Facebook page. So what is so secret about teen lives? Again, there are some clues in the research:
1. Alcohol & drugs. Drugs are widely available and marijuana is rapidly displacing alcohol as the starter drug of choice. 51% of those who drank alcohol reported doing it at friends houses and at their own houses.
2. Online activity. Most teens say their parents are unaware of what they do online. 42% have met someone online and 20% say they have had a romantic relationship with someone they met online.
3. Pressure to succeed. According to the Chicago magazine article, pressure to live up to parents’ expectations and achieve their lifestyle is what drives a lot of the stress in teen’s lives. This has been heightened by the recession and teen’s recognition that they will bear a lot of the burden of their parent’s generation’s mistakes.
Perhaps these areas are still be too ‘secret’ for parents and teens to want to see on TV? Meanwhile, TV is providing a forum for teens to discuss issues of dreams, relationships and sex. Here is an excerpt from the “Secret Life” blog:
What kind of dreams have to be re-imagined for Amy? College? Relationships? Money? Family? Think of all the things that change when someone becomes a teen parent. Have you ever thought about how YOUR life would change (half of all teen haven’t ever even thought about it!)
Right now Amy is dealing with some tough stuff at home and with Ben and at school. What do you think this year would look like for her if she hadn’t gotten pregnant? Would Ben be in the picture? Would she and Ricky even know each other? Would she be friends with Adrian? What would her high school experience be like? What would her situation with her family be like? Tell us in the comments! And for more to talk about from this episode – such as whether oral sex is really sex or what Adrian’s confession about her first time means for her relationship with Ricky.
